Raunchy with a side of Funny

Feel free to Email me altered3go27@gmail.com
AIM: Carloswritestuf
or http://twitter.com/carloswrites


I'm Carlos I'll be your narrator through this epic journey I call my life*SPOILER ALERT* I die at the end.
LA born and raised, Actor, writer, Bartender.
Star Wars, Girls, Zombies, and music.
Little known Carlos facts:

-I think flaws are what makes a woman attractive.


- I have an unhealthy obsession with Demi Lovato, and may have convinced my self we're soul mates.

-Contrary to popular belief I am NOT Mexican


-I don't think threesomes are fun. That's just two dissapointed women I have to deal with.


-I pretend to be sexist, but women usually have control over me.


-I love women with Glasses.

-I once spilled a glass of milk, then proceeded to cry over it.

-One of my life dreams is to date a suicide girl.

-I believe we will be attacked by zombies one day


-I think Rats dream of one day becoming squirrels


- I don't like girls that act one way, but are really something different. So if you're really a dude let me know beforehand.

-I don't believe in propper grammer or spellitude.


-I think Pat Bennatar rocks


-I accidentally bought a communist flag once and waved it around in public before finding out what it was


-I don't have a favorite band, because I can't choose between Journey and Weezer


-I'm a horrible singer, but that doesn't stop me from singing all my favorite songs at the top of my lungs


-I can believe it's not butter

-I don't use words like "Hit That" and "Boned her" when talking about hooking up with women. I do use the word titties to break up moments of awkward silences.

- I rent a closet at Robot Arms Apartments.

-I grew to twice my size after eating a mushroom once, but woke up in my underwear in the zoo.

- I though I got my period once, but it just a vodka cranberry I spilled on my lap.

- I like to cut square holes in my pancakes and pretend I made waffles.

-When people ask me "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?". They usually follow up by asking ” Why the hell are you taking off your pants?”